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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Unexpected Blessings

Well.  The last thing I thought I'd be doing was updating THIS blog.  I've been kicking myself for not keeping up our family blog and had NO DREAMS I'd need to update my PREGNANCY blog.

WOW.  Just WOW.

Just over a year ago I was giving birth to our seventh child.  It was the ending of the most tumultuous time of my life.

Brandon separated from the Marine Corps.

He didn't have a job.

We didn't know where to live.

I was having an out of body experience resulting in my becoming the most horrific person on the face of the planet.

Life. Was. Awful.  

I swore I'd never get pregnant again.  And I was serious.

But here I am.  Number eight is 15 or 16 days old today.  Growing and nestling into my uterus.  How do I feel?  Honestly?  I'm excited.  I honestly didn't want to ever go through this again, but I can't imagine this part of my life ending already.  I have a strong feeling that this pregnancy will be nothing like Skylar's.

I will be OK.
I will survive.
I can do this.
I will do this.  

This child will be a blessing to us and to our family.  There are going to be a lot of naysayers.  I'm related to most of them.  How does that make me feel?  Honestly?  Like cutting them out of my life.  What good is being negative and hurtful going to do now?  This baby wasn't asked for, and certainly wasn't prayed for, but is growing, nonetheless   I will never refer to her/him (from here on out referred to as her) as an accident or an opps.  Though we didn't ask for her to come here, we want her and love her already.  I'm blessed to be able to grow her under my heart and love her with it,  just the same.

We've chosen to keep this a secret as long as we can.  Why?  I don't want to hear the negative things from those that are supposed to love us most.  And we will.  I can hear them now.  This will, no doubt, be an overwhelming time for me.  All pregnancies are.  I don't need to defend it.  I don't need that to dampen my spirits now.  What do I need?  I need your prayers.  I need your love and support.  Whether you agree with our situation or not, love and support are vital for survival.  I have no idea when I'll make the blog public again aka: announce our new addition, but I hope my readers will understand why I chose to make it private for a time.  I need to be able to journal this journey.  It's important to me.